My cookie tastes like a pen

Inspired by Ben's work-related post, here's a peek into my office:

• A coworker's response to a remark about his habit of clipping his nails at his desk:
  "What? At least you know I'm well groomed."
  What I know is to avoid your office during your grooming sessions, lest I get a nail clipping in my eye.
  
  
• From the mail room lady:
  "Would you like some cheese and jalapeno grits?"
  Yes. A thousand times, yes.
  
  
• A local restaurant dropped off "goody bags" with coupons and pens to drum up some lunch business. I high-five a coworker about our good fortune--coupons and a pen!?! I find out later that each of the bags also had a cookie in them, but the fat bitch switchboard operator took them all out and ate them over the next 3 days. Now I think my pen sucks.
  
  
• The boss is on vacation this week, and I had to show him how to set up his automatic email "away" message. For the fourth time.
  
  I will not be watering his plants in his absence.