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Showing posts with label ernie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ernie. Show all posts

Monday, December 22, 2008

Wine Eye?!? What happened to Notorious?

I was riding with J and Julie to a friend's wedding, when I over heard this half of a phone conversation between J and The Groom:

J: Yeah, we're almost there...I'm with Julie and Sarah.
The Groom: (inaudible)
J: Hahaha, yeah, Wine Eye Sarah.

Me: What? Who's Wine Eye Sarah?


WTF? I'd never heard that particular nickname. I interrogated J and Julie, but neither one of them was copping to any knowledge of the origins of the nickname. I barely made it through the ceremony before rushing The Groom and demanding an explanation. I walked away in a huff after he spilled the beans.

The backstory: I used to date The Groom's best friend a couple of years ago. We met at a local bar that had karaoke and 1/2 price bottles of wine every Sunday. Needless to say, I was there just about every Sunday.

The beans: Unbeknownst to me, drinking an entire bottle of wine all by myself causes one of my eyes to, well, there's no delicate way to say this, drift? Go lazy? How fucking embarassing. Karaoke Boyfriend and his boys were laughing at my lazy drunk eye and calling me Wine Eye. Granted, these boys gave everyone a nickname, but I thought mine was Notorious, since that was what they called me to my face and my signature karaoke song was (and continues to be) Notorious by Duran Duran.

I wanted to punch someone, but since Karaoke Boyfriend was safely in Colorado and The Groom was, well, The Groom, I had to laugh it off and pretend I didn't care. But I did, internet. I did.

But then I reviewed pictures from the wedding after-party and decided the nickname was warranted, after all. Still, that fucking sucks.

Ernie's imitation of Wine Eye Sarah.

Not funny, Ernie.

Anyway, if you've noticed a decline in pictures of the dogs over the past couple of weeks (come one, I know there's at least one of you), it's because Wine Eye struck again and I lost my camera. HOWEVER, Steve rocks and got me a brand spanking new camera for Christmas.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Fact or Fiction Wednesday

Item 1:


Statement: I am capable of dressing myself.


FICTION
I am capable of dressing myself exactly 33% of the time. The 8 hours when I am asleep, I am dressed totally appropriately. The other 16 hours, well, not so much. I see myself as a sassy career girl who looks trendy and put together. Unfortunately the mirror sees me as a slightly disheveled career girl with dragging hems and a serious handicap in the 'putting makeup on yourself' department. Working with post-menopausal ladies and tech geeks hasn't really helped me, either. If I took a cue from my office mates I'd be wearing turtlenecks and sweaters a la Kristy or short sleeve button down shirts a la Dilbert. Having a roommate, albeit temporarily, has made me re-evaluate my status as an adult. Since when does gray not match with khaki? Who made that rule? 26 year olds are not allowed to wear leggings? Fight the machine!


Perhaps I should stick with the triangle dresses.



Item 2:

Statement: I pack Dora the Explorer fruit snacks in my lunch.

FACT
They do not make fruit snacks for grown-ups. Except for organic fruit roll-ups, but they cost 75 cents a piece and do not fit into my food budget. Plus they are called "Fruit Leather" and that does not sound as appealing as "Dora Saves the Snow Princess Assorted Fruit Flavored Snacks."


Item 3:


Statement: I walked past a Chinese food restaurant yesterday and didn't (even for one second) think about stopping in and getting an eggroll.

FACT
I am as shocked as you are, internet. I haven't had a craving for Chinese food since October 18, 2008, when I stumbled out of Beer Fest and ate 3 eggrolls and a dozen crab rangoons, in addition to disgusting amounts of beef with broccoli and cashew chicken. Insult to injury? I made the rookie mistake of eating an eggroll on the way home, burning my mouth and seriously diminishing my ability to taste the rest of the meal.

Don't fret, Dragon Garden. I can't quit you. I'll be back...just not quite yet.



Item 4:


Statement: I am just reading my book on my lunch break until someone comes along to talk to me about something more exciting, like the new Board of Education members.

FICTION
I am reading my book on my lunch break because I finally wrestled New Moon away from my friend and I honestly can't wait to find out how Jacob turns into a werewolf. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of this. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Perhaps it's so you'll shun me and I can read my tween romances in peace.



Item 4:


Statement: I don't know how to spell 'receive.'

FACT

I get the 'i before e' part, but the 'except after c' never looks right. I always spell it 'recieve,' which looks much better, right? Oh well, at least I'm not still pulling a Ramona Quimby and spelling relief 'r-o-l-a-i-d-s.'



Item 5:

Statement: Ernie is one handsome Mutha Fudrucker.

FACT

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Peace out, Ninjas

I'm leaving work early today and I won't be back until Monday. Which means I'll be doing a lot of this:

and a lot of this:


while the dogs do a lot of this:


and this:




and this:



but not a lot of blogging.


Monday the winner of the Pay it Forward contest will be announced! There is still time to enter!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Who writes checks anymore, anyway?

One of my best friends is staying with me for a month until she leaves for France, so I've been trying to keep the house in a semi-orderly state. Lucky for me I've found a couple of cleaning ladies who don't mind working for cheap.

The younger one was pretty gung-ho...


...while the older one was a bit condescending.

The owner was a real bitch, though.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Anywhoo, last Friday while I was busy giving her an award for her so-hilarious-I-almost-peed-my-pants-that-one-time blog, Dolce was busy giving me one. Awesome! Validation, how I crave thee...


Now I'm supposed to give it to 5 other Uber Amazing bloggers. You should, like, totally be reading these blogs if you aren't already. So here they are, in a particular order which I will not divulge:

Kate at New Life in South Dakota because I think it is Uber Amazing how she's taken control of her life, and I always find her posts inspiring. PLUS she has a cooking blog which is new but still ROCKS.

Dingo at As I was Saying because of her Uber Amazing photoshop skillz. Yes, with a Z because they are that amazing.

Crissy at Crissy's Page because it is the first blog I read in the morning to reward myself for making it to work yet another day. Also she is an Uber Amazing Hot Mommy Blogger.

Lisa at Lemon Gloria; a blog I've just started reading but is hilarious and Uber Amazing.

Ben at No Ordinary Rollercoaster because his lunch box rivals mine for it's Uber Amazing-ness. Also I hope he will take me on a date.

P.S. Don't forget about the contest! You don't even have to have a blog (or a pit bull) to win!

Friday, November 14, 2008

I've been pretty good this year


What I really want for Christmas this year is a real, big girl camera. I can occasionally get some decent pictures with my little Nikon point-and-shoot if I don't have to use the flash, and nobody is moving, and my subject is less than 7 feet away from me, and a unicorn is looking over my right shoulder...

I'd love to get some pictures that look less like my 5 year old niece took them and more like this.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

There once was a puppy named Garp

Once upon a time, I fostered a Great Dane puppy. Long story short, a backyard breeder's most recent litter had resulted in 2 deaf puppies, one male and one female, both of which had been returned after she had attempted to sell several times, and she was getting ready to take them to the pound. I agreed to go and take a look at the puppies, thinking I would maybe bring home the female as a trial companion for Ernie while I found her a forever home. Instead, I came home with Garp: When I arrived at the breeder's home, I was escorted down to the basement that had been converted into a dog room. Right away, Garp, then 'Tank,' ran up to me and started tugging on my scarf and running between my legs. I was smitten. On the ride home, he laid in the passenger seat of my tiny Honda with his head in my lap. I renamed him 'Garp' after one of my favorite John Irving novels. When we got home, Ernie immediately took Garp under his wing as a pit bull in training.


Garp was only 4 months old, but Ernie could easily walk underneath him, and his paws were as big as my hands. When I took him to the vet the next day, he weighed in at 85 pounds. I scheduled his neuter immediately, knowing that my vet charged for anesthesia by the pound and Garp wasn't getting any smaller.

I met an awesome trainer when I took Garp to the groomer (he was absolutely filthy, but already way to big for me to wrestle into my miniscule bathtub). She had never worked with a deaf dog before, but had trained dogs using hand signals and offered to work with Garp and I for free in exchange for the experience. She was also affiliated with the doggie day care I took Ernie to and offered me a discounted rate whenever I wanted to leave the boys there. Like most deaf dogs, Garp was a velcro dog and was already really good at looking to me for cues, so we were able to teach him 'sit' and 'lay down' pretty quickly.

'Stay' was a challenge, because he didn't like to be much more than an arm's length away from either me or Ernie. He took to the halter lead really well and was soon walking politely on a leash. Garp loved Ernie and the two of them would wrestle for hours. I later found small puncture wounds around Ernie's neck where he had let Garp drag him across the living room.

Living with a deaf dog had its challenges and rewards. You cannot be a lazy dog owner with a deaf puppy; no calling out "Hey, get out of the garbage!" I had to physically pull Garp's head out of the garbage when he started digging around in the trash. I was afraid to let him off of the leash anywhere because unless he was looking right at me, there wasn't much I could do to get his attention. My stepdad helped me build a vibrating collar for him out of a remote control car motor, which helped a little bit, but wasn't strong enough to wake him out of a sleep. Letting him out of his kennel was always a trip, because he missed all the audio clues that I was home, like car crunching up the gravel driveway or my keys in the lock. He'd usually be asleep, and I'd open up the kennel and reach in a goose him. He's wake up and immediately start crying with excitement. Perhaps a little cruel, but very entertaining.

Garp didn't usually wake up during the night; he didn't hear the squirrels scampering over the roof or the cats fighting outside that usually woke Ernie up. He'd stretch out in a great white lump at the bottom of the bed and sleep until I woke him in the morning. One night, I woke up to sounds coming from the kitchen. Bleary eyed, I looked down at the foot of the bed. Garp appeard to be passed out as usual. Ernie was asleep on the pillow next to me. I could still hear the sounds coming from the kitchen. I lay in bed, listening. The sounds continued.

Up until that point, I'd harbored a secret fear that, in the event of an intruder, I'd be frozen solid by my fear and be unable to move. This night, however, I got up and grabbed the closest thing I had to a weapon--a knitting needle. Waking Ernie up, I walked down the hall and turned the corner into the kitchen. My heart was pounding and I was absolutely certain I'd see a masked man rooting around my house. As I turned the corner and peeked into the kitchen, however, I saw Garp with his head in the sink, licking the dirty dishes from dinner. What I thought was Garp sleeping at the foot of the bed was actually my down comforter I'd kicked off in a fit of restlessness.

My plan had always been to keep Garp until a friend, S, graduated seminary and moved into his own house. S had flown up to Michigan (where I lived at the time) and had met and fallen in love with Garp. It was the perfect situation, I thought. S would get an awesome dog, Garp would get an awesome home, and I could still see Garp and keep tabs on him. Unfortunately, S was offered the opportunity to go to South Africa for a year and wasn't able to take Garp. I was devastated. I knew I couldn't keep him forever, but it was going to be hard to find a home for Garp that I'd feel comfortable leaving him in.


I put out feelers at my vet's office, the groomer's, the doggie day care...nothing. The lady at the doggie day care offered to board him for me, but I couldn't imagine leaving him over night at the kennel night after night. Garp was a people dog and needed to go someplace where he could get all the attention he needed.

I finally chanced upon a Craig's list ad. A young gay couple was looking for a dog; they had just bought a house and were particularly interested in a deaf dog, because one of the guys, Z, was deaf. I exchanged a couple of emails with Z and agreed to meet him at his house with Garp. I met Z and his partner at their cute little brick two story house. They had already installed a 6 ft. privacy fence in preparation for a dog. Garp behaved beautifully, and I was able to show the guys the hand signals for all of his tricks, which had expanded to include 'off of the couch,' 'get over here now,' and 'move out of my way.' We agreed that I'd bring Garp back that Saturday for a trial weekend.

I bawled my eyes out all the way home. This monster of a lap dog had grown on me. I walked he and Ernie down to the Dairy Queen for one last vanilla cone. Snuggled in my bed with him one last time. Saturday morning came. I collected all of his favorite toys, his halter and leash, and a bunch of treats. I loaded Garp into the car and drove him to Z's. They were so excited about Garp; they showed me the bed they'd gotted and all the new toys they hoped he'd like. Trying not to make a scene, I told them to feel free to rename him; it didn't much matter what you called him because he couldn't hear you anyway. I showed them again how to fit the halter lead. I gave Garp a final hug and walked quickly out of the gate. I looked back, but he didn't. He was busy picking through the new toys he was being offered.

Z sent me an email that Sunday afternoon to let me know they were really excited about having Garp and had agreed to keep him. He thanked me for giving Garp a chance and for giving him a good start. That was 2 years ago, and Z still sends me updates and pictures of Garp, now 'Prince.' He looks happy and healthy, and is absolutely doted on.


Monday, November 10, 2008

It was a fluke, he says

Ok, first up is some bloggy business. If you, like me, have a less-than-private blog and would like to post something absolutely anonymously, Nilsa at SoMi is organizing an anonymous blog swap. By last count there were 60 bloggers participating, and I know I'm looking forward to it. Publish date is the 18th, I think, so there is still time to join.

Now, on to the real news. I finally beat Steve at Scrabble. I attribute it to the power of positive thinking. He's beaten me twice before, but this Sunday I finally got my first win.



**Warning to all you northerners currently experiencing cold/wet/icy/snowy weather. Graphic descriptions of mild North Carolina autumn to follow.**


I'm not really a competitive person by nature. I played one sport in high school, softball, and even then I either played in the outfield or sat the bench. Board games, however, are my jam. Pictionary is my favorite, but I've been known to play a mean game of Taboo, Trivial Pursuit, or Cranium. When Steve challenged me to a game of Scrabble a couple of months ago, I thought I was going to impress him with my mad vocabulary skills. What actually happened was that he blew me out of the water with 10-point "Q's" and his domination of the "Triple Word Score" spaces.

I tried to dismiss this first loss as a fluke, but during a rematch he spanked me again. I had the lead going into the second half, but he shut me down with an 11th hour word blitz. He is convinced I under-estimated him, but in reality, I over-estimated myself. I sadly resigned myself to a future devoid of Scrabble wins.

Until...
Scene: Sunday, around 11:00 am. Rather than watch yet another episode of "Snapped" (my new obsession), I challenge Steve to a Scrabble rematch. It's about 65 degrees and sunny, so we headed outside and squared off across the Scrabble board in dueling wheelchairs, the dogs napping at our feet.

"This must be what it's like in a retirement home," Steve mused.

Stop trying to distract me. Game on.

I came out strong with "EXCUSE" for 20 points. He answered with "ROOKIE." The battle raged on, until Steve challenged my "AB" for a triple word score. Vindicated by the On-line Scrabble Dictionary, I challenged his "OZ" and eeked out a 10 point win. IN YOUR FACE, Steve.

At least until next time.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Great Pumpkin

The Wandering Writer is having a contest which is really just an excuse to brag about Ernie, and so I am entering. Not that I need an excuse, however...

I don't dress Ernie up too much, which is probably why he is so tolerant of it when I do decide to do it. I had high hopes for this costume; Ernie and I would sit on the porch, bowl full of candy in my lap, and hand out candy to all the kiddies that came by. I wasn't thinking clearly, because it was my first Halloween in Michigan. In case you are wondering, it is cold in Michigan on October 31st. And by cold, I mean holy-smokes-I-think-I-have-frostbite cold.

I lasted about 20 minutes on the porch and got no trick-or-treaters. Apparently, in the village I lived in, everyone trick-or-treats in one area a couple of streets down that really gets into Halloween. We are talking a whole block of houses decked out with a pirate ship complete with skeleton crew, ghostly organ players straight out of Disneyland's The Haunted Mansion, and a pretty impressive electric chair. I ended up giving all my candy to a trio of older boys who wandered past the house on their way home from the "cool" street. Bummer. But Ernie did look pretty cute...

Hey look! I'm all dressed up!


So...when do I get my candy?


I think it'll look better on you *wink*


See? But seriously, about that candy...


I do have a pretty cute picture of Dexter and Ernie all dressed up for Halloween together, taken when Ernie was just a puppy. But it's at home. So maybe tomorrow?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sometimes good things happen

Yesterday was much better than the day before. At least, there weren't any cops waiting for me when I got home and the house was still locked up. Sweet.

Also, Julie and I picked up our back-up Halloween costumes:


We laughed at each other for about 20 minutes in Joann Fabrics.

Anyway, the BF mentioned that I should blog sometimes about the good experiences I have with the dogs out in public. I tried to explain that it would be boring to read about how I walked the dogs and someone didn't tell me how viscious my dogs are. However, in the interest of fairness, I'm going to give it a try. Here goes...
  • Saturday we were sitting outside at the Dock Street Oyster Bar. This place is very Dex and Ernie friendly and our waitress always brings out a bucket of water for the dogs. Two guys were sitting at the table next to us, and one of them came over to pet the dogs and mentioned that his pit bull had been hit by a car and died 2 weeks ago. He told us they were out in the country and his dog had followed a car 2 miles out to the highway and had gotten run over. We offered our condolences, and then the guy asked the dogs' names. He was a little taken aback when we told him; his dog's name was Dexter, too. What a coincidence.

  • Then we went to The Barbary Coast for some beers and some pool. As soon as we walked in, Dex and Ernie were fawned over by some drunk ladies at the bar. Dex made a bee-line for the treats behind the bar, and Ernie was busy giving everyone high fives. Several people commented to me how well behaved the dogs are, and that they wish they could bring their dogs out in public. Later on, a guy brought in his pit bull with the biggest head I have ever seen on a dog in my entire life. He (the dog, not the owner) and Dex had a blast sniffing butts and guarding the front door together.

So there you have it. A completely positive post. A little bit boring, too, but I'm too busy stressing about my Halloween costume and the upcoming NaNoWriMo to come up with much more.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I didn't check the crawl space

Yesterday was not a good day, internet friends. I came home from work to find 3 police officers on my porch and the front door wide open. My first thought was that something had happened to the dogs. As I raced up the porch steps, Dex came waddling out of the front door. Before they could get a word out, I asked the officers if there was another dog here. They told me they had put Ernie in the spare room because they weren't sure how friendly he was.

The police officers said that they had received a call from a neighbor that my front door was wide open. When they arrived, both dogs were in the house, and nothing seemed amiss (other than the cushions being off the couch, but the dogs do that all the time). Either I didn't close the door all the way when I left in the morning, or someone came in to the house and the dogs scared him off. I'm 99% sure I locked the lock on the doorknob, but I know I didn't deadbolt it. The officers walked through the house with me, checking behind every door, in every closet, and under the beds. Once I was satisfied nobody was there and nothing was missing, I packed up the dogs and went to a friend's house.

During the whole ordeal, I was mainly upset that something could have happened to the dogs. I'm surprised they both stayed in the house (which is not to say they didn't go roaming and come back, but it was a little chilly yesterday). They could have been hurt--shot or kicked by some desperate drug addict. I thought back to the guy who cut my grass a couple of weeks ago. What if they had tried to attack the police officers as they came in the house? I wouldn't blame them if they did, but others might not have been so understanding.

It's got me really shaken up today; I didn't sleep very well last night and I'm dragging ass today at work. I just want to curl up with a mug of hot chocolate in the middle of an Ernie and Dexter sandwich. I'm proud of the boys for being so good and staying close to home, but I feel like I've let them down by not keeping them safe.


Monday, October 27, 2008

The one where I touch chicken guts

Internet, meet my dinner. Dinner, say hello:


As I was trolling the ghetto Food Lion yesterday for dinner ideas, I came across whole young chickens on sale. Bingo! A few potatoes and some green beans later, I had a meal plan. Unfortunately for the chicken, he had yet a few more indignities to suffer before retiring to the cleansing retreat of a 350 degree oven.

First, since I bought him at 2:30 and I was determined to eat dinner by 8:00, I quick-thawed him in some warm water until I could pry his legs apart and pull out the neck/gizzards/other disgusting organs I cannot name from his body cavity. Guts disposed of, I mounted him on an upright chicken roaster and rubbed him down with olive oil, black pepper, sea salt, and cayenne pepper, paying special attention to his underarms.

At the suggestion of a neighbor, I decided to give the beer can method of chicken roasting a shot. I opened a beer, poked some holes in the can, poured about half of it out, and sat the chicken down on the beer can. The chicken looked kind of uncomfortable.

We gave him a last drink, then retired him to the oven for 2 hours.


He was delicious.

Now, for a gratuitous picture of the boys.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A couple days late and a few dollars short (pit bull edition)

So I missed out on Wednesday's Vlog Day, because I am behind the times and also I suck a little bit. So to make up for it, I'm posting some videos of the dogs wrestling. First up, we've got the dogs wrestling in the hole in the middle of the yard. Please be advised, the dogs may sound like they are killing each other, but I promise you they are just playing.




Next, Ernie gets the zoomies and Dexter does a face plant (but shakes it off like a truly Bad Mutha Fudrucker).





And finally, Dexter gets the wiggles.





Enjoy your weekend!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Crabs!

Last night the neighbors had a 3 hour screaming match. From what I could gather as I sat on my front porch with a glass of wine a book and pretended to read, He's been talking to some other girl who means nothing to him, and She's been talking to several guys who may or may not be her cousins. I'll let you know how it ends. Hemo is on the shit list for peeing on the dogs' leashes, but look what I found in my backyard:


A crab spider! Well, Steve calls them crab spiders but I call them pirate spiders because to me it looks like they have a skull painted on their bellies. I've been wanting one of my own ever since he pointed a baby one out to me on his porch.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What Bad Mutha Fudruckers do (pt. 1)

I'm not sure how, but the BF has acquired 2 wheelchairs. I'm pretty sure he hasn't been mugging cripples, but I'm not asking any questions. All I know is, on warm afternoons after we've had a couple of beers while we wait for the coals to get hot, we bust out the wheelchairs.

Sometimes (ok, one time) we attempted to have a chariot race with Ernie supplying the horsepower; unfortunately Ernie was more interested in licking faces than pulling wheelchairs, so I ended up running in front of the wheelchair getting Ernie to chase me while Steve sat and enjoyed the wind whipping through his hair at 0.5 mph.

I think the kids playing basketball down the street enjoyed the show.

Most of the time, however, we just sit around and take turns trying to do wheelies on the "good" wheelchair. So there is a lot of this:


And this:

And finally this...



I would help you up, but first let me snap a few pictures.


...which is why we only play Wheelchair Wheelies on the grass.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Ernie hates World Hunger

The Mutha Fudruckers were a philanthropic group this weekend. On Friday night I went to a cancer benefit, which, was actually to raise money to cure cancer. It was held at El Scorpion, a local bar usually known as the only place in Wilmington to hear live Mexican bands on a weekly basis. $1 from every $3 glass of wine they sold went to the cause, so against my better judgement I drank white wine all night, which I promptly blamed for my poor performance at the pool table. Also, there was what I am sure was a vomit stain on the felt, which also played a part in my defeat. When no one claimed one of the prizes in the raffle, I thought it was hilarious to call across the room, "Julie! You won!" She had not won.

On Sunday I participated in the Crop Walk, an event to raise awareness of and money for world hunger. Ernie and I were standing with our team, waiting for the walk to start, when a lady walked past us with her dog. Her dog, dressed as an angel, stopped to sniff noses with Ernie. The lady looked down, pulled her dog away, and looked at me.

"That dog looks mean," she said, and walked away. She didn't say it in a nice, "Oh, your dog looks tough but is obviously a sweetheart," kind of way. She said it in a "I don't think your dog should even be alive, let alone allowed out in public," kind of way. My immediate reaction was to tell her that she looked like a bitch, but I thought that it wouldn't be in keeping with the spirit of the day, so I held my tongue. I know I should have a thicker skin about this stuff by now, but it pisses me off every time.

So I steamed about it for the 5 miles of the walk, and by the time we got to the finish I had made my peace with it. A piece of pizza and a Chik-fil-a coupon later, and I had all but forgotten the incident. I turned to my friend and inquired whether or not it would be funny if I ran through the "Stop World Hunger" banner like it was the finish line.

"Yeah," he said. "About as funny as when you told Julie she won the raffle the other night."

My bad.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Dexter hearts Tyra Banks

All those Saturday mornings watching ANTM marathons have not been wasted on the dogs. They've learned to make subtle, but crucial, differences in their poses during photo shoots to give me a wide variety of shots. My friend's dog, Desi...not so much. She's sticking with what she knows.


For Dex, it's all in the face.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I heart Sharpies (NSFW)

Sharpie tattoos are awesome (awesome to give, I mean; I don't want someone drawing all over me with a permanent marker). Once I caught my niece drawing on herself with a Crayola marker. She had some scribbles on her face, so I helped her out and gave her a sweet curly mustache and some chest hair, and called her Pierre for the rest of the day.

So when the BF lets me give him Sharpie tattoos, it is like the best gift he could give me. I get to use a Sharpie and draw on someone? Count me in.

Me: "What do you want?"

Him: "A naked chick sitting on top of the globe with a recycling symbol on it."

Me: "Okay..."

**This is the NSFW portion of the post**

Too funny. I was very sad the next day when he had sweated it off.

Click here for the uncensored picture.

**Edited to add:


I forgot! I gave Ernie a Sharpie tattoo, too:

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

:(

Sorry about the lack of a Monday post, internet friends. We went to a wedding Sunday night that was an hour and half away, and this Bad Mutha Fudrucker didn't feel like going to work Monday morning. Instead, I did some cleaning up around the house. By cleaning up, I mean that I drank Miller Lite and ate dry Crispix out of the box while I waited for the current load of laundry to be dry. Also I watched the special features on my Lord of the Rings Special DVDs and laughed along with my good friends Dominic Monoghan and Billy Boyd as we recounted that time Orlando Bloom fell out of his canoe. Hilarious!

I am a dork.

I took some sweet pictures this weekend, too. I got my hands on a sharpie and gave Steve a "I Heart Recycling" tattoo. Ernie got a skull and crossbones tattoo. I took pictures of wheelchair wheelies and wedding dances that I'd love to share with you, but sadly my camera cord is sitting on Steve's desk and not in my purse. So no pictures for you. Ok, maybe one.

With help like this, it's no wonder I never get any laundry done.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Pirates pay for drinks with dubloons

It is the first day of October and I am getting way excited about Halloween. I usually make my costume each year, and in the past I've been:

a member of Sparkle Motion (okay, I didn't make this one)

Frodo Baggins

a mermaid

Roxy of the Misfits


One year I went as a pirate and paid for all my drinks with Sacagawea dollar coins that I called "dubloons." I thought it was hilarious and the bartenders thought it was annoying. This year I think I'm going to go all "Eagle vs. Shark" and be a Great White Shark. Even though I hate sharks and I am even afraid of them in the pool. Seriously. When I jump off of the high dive I haul ass to the ladder because I am just SURE someone has opened the underwater gate and let the sharks out. It's going to be an awesome costume, though.

Speaking of sharks and pools and being crazy, I have this reoccurring nightmare about sharks and pools. In my dream, my mom drags me and my sisters to see Jaws, who has been captured and is being kept in the pool by our house. Well, she really only drags me because my sisters are all about it. I beg and beg and try to convince her that it is a BAD IDEA, but we go anyway. One by one, my sisters keep leaning over the side of the pool and falling in, and I have to keep jumping in and saving them. Over and Over. All Night. Whenever I have this dream I wake up exhausted and mad at my mom. Come on, Mom! I warned you. Sharks+kids=Worst Idea Ever. Jeez.

I also frequently have a dream where my mom makes me live under the stairs a la the Dursleys and Harry Potter, and won't let me have any of the brownies she just made. Which is weird, because my mom would never deny me brownies. She is a very nice lady.

I think I'll go to JoAnn Fabrics this weekend and get some supplies.