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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Fact or Fiction Wednesday

Item 1:


Statement: I am capable of dressing myself.


FICTION
I am capable of dressing myself exactly 33% of the time. The 8 hours when I am asleep, I am dressed totally appropriately. The other 16 hours, well, not so much. I see myself as a sassy career girl who looks trendy and put together. Unfortunately the mirror sees me as a slightly disheveled career girl with dragging hems and a serious handicap in the 'putting makeup on yourself' department. Working with post-menopausal ladies and tech geeks hasn't really helped me, either. If I took a cue from my office mates I'd be wearing turtlenecks and sweaters a la Kristy or short sleeve button down shirts a la Dilbert. Having a roommate, albeit temporarily, has made me re-evaluate my status as an adult. Since when does gray not match with khaki? Who made that rule? 26 year olds are not allowed to wear leggings? Fight the machine!


Perhaps I should stick with the triangle dresses.



Item 2:

Statement: I pack Dora the Explorer fruit snacks in my lunch.

FACT
They do not make fruit snacks for grown-ups. Except for organic fruit roll-ups, but they cost 75 cents a piece and do not fit into my food budget. Plus they are called "Fruit Leather" and that does not sound as appealing as "Dora Saves the Snow Princess Assorted Fruit Flavored Snacks."


Item 3:


Statement: I walked past a Chinese food restaurant yesterday and didn't (even for one second) think about stopping in and getting an eggroll.

FACT
I am as shocked as you are, internet. I haven't had a craving for Chinese food since October 18, 2008, when I stumbled out of Beer Fest and ate 3 eggrolls and a dozen crab rangoons, in addition to disgusting amounts of beef with broccoli and cashew chicken. Insult to injury? I made the rookie mistake of eating an eggroll on the way home, burning my mouth and seriously diminishing my ability to taste the rest of the meal.

Don't fret, Dragon Garden. I can't quit you. I'll be back...just not quite yet.



Item 4:


Statement: I am just reading my book on my lunch break until someone comes along to talk to me about something more exciting, like the new Board of Education members.

FICTION
I am reading my book on my lunch break because I finally wrestled New Moon away from my friend and I honestly can't wait to find out how Jacob turns into a werewolf. Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of this. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Perhaps it's so you'll shun me and I can read my tween romances in peace.



Item 4:


Statement: I don't know how to spell 'receive.'

FACT

I get the 'i before e' part, but the 'except after c' never looks right. I always spell it 'recieve,' which looks much better, right? Oh well, at least I'm not still pulling a Ramona Quimby and spelling relief 'r-o-l-a-i-d-s.'



Item 5:

Statement: Ernie is one handsome Mutha Fudrucker.

FACT

22 comments:

Dolce said...

I can't spell recieve either - did I do it right there?

New Moon? I can't hide my LOVE for the Twilight series, but I can say New Moon was my least favorite of the four books...but the ending is SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOD

Kate said...

I am refusing the Twilight series, but GOOD FOR YOU! Read away, my friend.

Yes, he's handsome.

And screw anyone who wants to mess with your personal style. I plan my wardrobe choices around my socks. You know I do.

Ben said...

I can never spell nausea or nauseous without spellcheck. I try to keep myself to a rule of not saying words out loud that I can't spell.

rialeilani said...

i LOVE fruit snacks!

saratogajean said...

dolce - You spelled it how I would spell it, which is unfortunately wrong.

kate - I am half-way finished knitting a pair of socks. If you think I'm not wearing the sock I've finished while I knit the other one, you are wrong. Because I am.

ben - My vocabulary would be seriously limited if I followed that rule. Monosyllabic*, most likely.

*That probably isn't spelled right.

surviving myself said...

Well, at least you aren't proud of it. That's something.

~Trish~ said...

Oh there are lots of words I can't spell and it pisses me off LOL Oh and yes, you can be jealous of moi since I get to see tons of hot hot chicks :)

So@24 said...

Nothing wrong with Dora the Explorer fruitsnacks. Dora and I became great pals in college when I'd pass out drunk to Nick@Nite only to leave the TV on and in the morning I'd wake up really hungover to:

"LETS RIDE THE FERRIS WHEEL! DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE FERRIS WHEEL? WHAT COLOR'S THE FERRIS WHEEL! CAN YOU SAY FERRIS WHEEL? WHERE IS THE FERRIS WHEEL"

saratogajean said...

surviving myself - It's that something that allows me to hang on to a shred of dignity.

~trish~ - Maybe you'll get some Britney sweat on you!

so - I used to pass out drunk to Discovery Health and wake up to Billy Mays yelling at me about KA-BOOM!

Nilsa said...

You got that last one right! =)

LBluca77 said...

receive is a really hard word. I for some reason when I type the word just my fingers must get way to excited because it always comes out as jsut.

Fruit Leather sounds like a type of clothing that those crazy vegetarians would wear as a substitute for real leather. Wait your not a vegetarians are you? If so that was meant for all other vegetarians besides you.

BrazenBareToe said...

Item 2 - It's also that way with Happy Meals. Why they don't make a mini sized meal for grownupy adults like ourselves I have no idea. Oh and target has fruit snack packs without characters on them. And yes there's one in my bag right now.

Item 4: Spelling hurts me head. Thank goodness for spell check.

So@24 said...

Also, I can't spell "guarantee".

Marie said...

They make all the cool stuff for kids. What happened to making cool snacks for adults?

I can never the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule down. Ever. The rule should be thrown out the window and we should be able to spell words however we want! Or something.

Lump said...

say what?? "gray not match with khaki"??! Um, Stacy and Clinton have told me these go together because they are both neutrals.

and I totally dig fruit snacks. I eat a whole box in one sitting.

The Pumpernickel said...

Dressing yourself is supremely overrated. I've learned that dolling myself up in the morning means two things: I've wasted more of the expensive makeup which is unsuited for my budget and I've lost a precious 15 minutes which could have otherwise been spent sleeping.

Gray and khaki all the way, girl.

saratogajean said...

nilsa - He gets is from his mama. Me. Not that bitch who birthed him.

lbluca77 - 'jsut' looks like 'jslut' to me and I laughed. Oh, and I am not a vegetarian. I ate the Fruit Leather once, and it was ok, but it left much to be desired.

brazenbaretoe - I give the Mighty Kids Meal toys to my dog. He loves'em.

so - The list of words I can't spell is pretty long. I've been playing a lot of Scrabble lately, and the more I look at my letters the more I am convinced they either are or aren't actual words. 'CZAR' can't really be a word, can it? But 'BRAME' looks right.

marie - I remember the rule, but I also vaguely remember another part of the phrase, like "I before E, except after C, or when sounding like A, as in neighbor or weigh."

I hate rules.

saratogajean said...

lump - I knew it! Gray and khaki is basically my work uniform. Except for today, when I'm lookin' snazzy in my brick red turtleneck and gray trousers.

I'm joking. I don't know what trousers are.

the pumpernickel - I'm starting a gray and khaki club. Want in?

rs27 said...

I hate to tell you this but Jacob sees dead people.

Oh, um, spoiler alert.

Alexa said...

i am the worst speller ever. if i would list out my problem words this would be the longest comment EVER.

saratogajean said...

rs27 - Well, at least you warned me.

alexa - Last night I was thinking about more words I can't spell. This may or may not be linked to my struggles with capchas.

*~Dani~* said...

I thought about you when I misspelled receive in an email today. Then I decided I needed to get out more and talk to real life people. Yep, here I am anyway.

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