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Friday, December 5, 2008

Is it cliche to say that men are incapable of putting the seat down?


I grew up with three sisters. When I moved out and went to college, I went to a women's college. When I got my first apartment, I lived with 2 other girls. I have never (knock on wood) fallen into the toilet seat because a man has left the seat up. Dating Steve, though, has taught me to never take for granted that the toilet seat is as I left it. Up, down--you better check that shit unless you want to end up dunking your ass in some toilet water at 2 in the morning.

The other night I woke up, having to pee. I stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the light. As I approached the toilet, I saw that the seat was down.

"Aw," I thought. "Steve put the seat down. He really is such a thoughtful guy."

I got closer, thinking nice thoughts about Steve, but I soon noticed that something was amiss. The seat was sparkling like Edward in the sunshine. As this is not typical of Steve's toilet, I investigated further.

I think you know where I'm going with this. Steve had, in fact, not put the seat down, or up for that matter, but in a sleepy stupor had peed all over the seat. Thank goodness I turned the light on and noticed the sprinkle. Or I would have had to suffocate him in his sleep.

23 comments:

Katie said...

Something neat I learned:

If you flush the toilet with the seat up-'things' from the contents of the toilet bowl fly all over the place. Toothbrushes, Coffee Cups, Last nights leftovers...whatever happens to be in the bathroom.

This being said, I don't think men put the seat down, flush, then put it back up... so not only are YOU brushing with poop, but so is he, if he brushes his teeth.

Something to chew on :D

Marie said...

Oh that's just lovely. Really. Thoughtful these boys are.

Wanna know what mine did once? (I'm hoping its only been once.) Peed in the toilet, on it (the seat was up), and some on the ground. Seriously, is that hard to aim?!

Dr Zibbs said...

As long as you guys out it up when you're finished.

Dolce said...

Um...the first time this happened to me was last weekend. Drunky-drunk-drunkster left the toilet seat up and my cheeks hit the water with a loud slash.

It was a hotel bathroom. I then turned around and puked.

LBluca77 said...

I think there is a chromosome that makes boys incapable of putting the seat down.

Also, boys have cooties.

saratogajean said...

katie - I would rather *not* chew on that. If you know what I mean.

marie - I mean, it's his house, if he wants to pee on the floor, that's fine. But at 2am, I am not at my best. I went from 'oh, how sweet' to 'wtf?!?' to 'oh man, I hope he doesn't get mad when I blog about this' in about 3 minutes.

dr. zibbs - Can we compromise? Everyone puts everything down when they are done? Then the dogs won't drink out of the toilet, either.

Win-win.

dolce - Eww, hotel toilets. I'd just as soon pee in the sink. Or off of the balconey.

lbluca77 - And penises. Ew.

Nilsa said...

OK, now that's effen hilarious! All I can say is I'm thankful my Sweets not only puts the seat down, but he wipes the rim before he does. Yes, he was trained well! =)

Lily said...

Um, I LOVE that you compared something sparkly to Edward in the sunshine. Love.

RHz said...

Ugh. Having lived in a household filled with only testosterone for as long as I can remember (4 brothers, and now a husband and four brothers), I ALWAYS check the seat. Just be thankful it wasn't on the floor. They've done that to me, missed and didn't clean it up. Nothing says "thinking of you sis/wife" like having a wet sock at 3 AM while you try to pee in the dark.

~Trish~ said...

ohhhhh eweeeeee SO glad you flipped the light on :) Although that might have made an enjoyable blog!!

saratogajean said...

nilsa - Dang, *I* don't even wipe the rim. Not that I'd need to, I guess. I mean, I'm not an animal or anything.

lump - Even if it's urine on a toilet seat?

rhz - If I had a wet sock due to human urine, I would be tempted to slap that human in the face with said sock.

~trish~ - It's a tough call; do I turn on the light and give up my night vision, risking banging my shin on the bed on the return trip? Or keep my night vision and possibly fall into the toilet or sit in pee?

Dingo said...

I think the only reason Mr. Dingo puts the toilet seat down is to protect the other two females in the household: Dingo Girl and Not a Dingo from the perils of tidy bowl water. If it were just me, I'd be outta luck.

rs27 said...

I agree with Zibbs. Why do we have to put it down but women never pull it up?

Chivalry is dead.

Tova Darling said...

Gross!

We have cats, so we both have to make sure the lid is closed on the toilet, or else said cats will drink from/play in/drown in the toilet. That has saved us from ever having an argument about putting the seat down. However, every time we have guests over, I have a moment of snobbiness where I wonder why our uncivilized guest(s) left the toilet lid open. Then I remember that normal people without water-obsessed cats don't have to close the toilet.

BrazenBareToe said...

Hmmm. Mystery wet butt or butt dunking. Either way there's gotta be some rules laid down. And don't forget the stench of missed-bowl smell but you can't see it so you have to bleach the whole bathroom.

So@24 said...

Are girls really not looking before they sit down? I mean, come on, really! Really?

Really?

PS. You have giant toilets in the south.

saratogajean said...

dingo - It's really gross, but Hemo will sit on the toilet and watch me while I take a shower. Sometimes her tail will dip down into the bowl, and I get really grossed out and tell myself I really need to give her a bath. But them I forget until the next morning when she does it again.

rs27 - If there were a danger that guys would fall in to the toilet if I didn't put the toilet seat back up, I'd think about it.

tova darling - Lid closed all the time, huh? I could see that working...no dogs drinking from the toilet, no water hazards to deal with in the middle of the night...

brazenbaretoe - Ok, now I feel like an idiot. Is *that* what causes that smell? Seriously, I thought that a pee smell was just oozing out of the tiles or something. What is wrong with boys?!?

so - Hey, I look. Usually if the seat is down, though, and I'm not in public, I think I'm safe.

Re: PS--I know! Dang, I could not get the proportions right in MS Paint this morning. Either I looked like I was using a baby potty or that I was swimming in the Gorgs' toilet from Fraggle Rock.

Depends on who asks said...

Ooh I love finding new (excellent) blogs to read. I'm preeeetty sure I found you through arjewtino but at this point, I can't be sure. Anyway, I just read like 2 months worth of blogs and I think I can safely say that I love you.

This is the part of the comment that is relevant to the blog: I read an article that says what Katie said, and ever since, I have a huuuge phobia of leaving the lid up. I tell everyone - there's one rule in my house and that is to put the lid down when you flush. Unfortunately (ex)boyfriends are bad listeners and I've had to disinfect more than once. It's truly disturbing.

Lump said...

you know, I thought every damn man on earth is not capable of putting the seat down. I mean, my brothers NEVER did. but, the bf, proved me wrong. He always puts the seat down. I think he sits down to pee, though. hmmmm.... ;)

*~Dani~* said...

Luckily we have cats so the seat is always down. However, when I lived alone I have found myself falling in the toilet likely to some boy guest's inability to put the seat down. Yeah, that was it.

Maxie said...

I don't mind it so much when guys do it at home but I'm so grossed out when they do it at work. Give me a break!

dizzy observer said...

There is nothing worse than a wet ass.

saratogajean said...

depends on who asks - Thanks for reading! If I had to think about all the fecal matter I come in contact with all day every day, I would freak the fuck out and live in a ziplock bag.

Although I am seriously considering a toilet seat down mandate.

lump - If sitting down to pee means no wet butt, I think all men should think about adopting it.

dani - I still live alone, someone keeps using the last of the toilet paper and not replacing the roll.

I think it's me. Fuck.

maxie - You have unisex bathrooms at work? How very Ally McBeal of you.

dizzy observer - Especially at 2am.

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