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Thursday, December 18, 2008

JEI Thursday: RATS...some facts

I was wracking my brains this morning for a good TMI post, but I decided to go with JEI (Just Enough Information) Thursday.

I was at our county's government office yesterday, trying to get some permits approved for new after school programs. Have I mentioned I work for my county's school system? Of course, I end up waiting in 3 different lines to talk to 5 different people, eventually leaving with 2 additional forms that need to be filled out and approved before the county can grant itself permission to run after school care programs in buildings not only built by the county itself and run by county employees, but previously inspected by county agencies. Ah, bureaucracy, how I love you.

Anyway, I got to leave work early and I picked up some sweet pamphlets while I was waiting in the Environmental Health Department line.

So, without further ado, I bring you RATS...Some Facts.

And inside...(emphasis my own)

Click to view larger image

  1. Text: The average rat lives about one year. During this time a female rat may have seven litters, each with 6-12 young.
    Conclusion: Rats live hard and die young. Also, rats are sluts.

  2. Text: Each time a rat leaves the nest, it travels the same path. This path is called a "runway."
    Conclusion: Tyra Banks is a rat.

  3. Text: Rats commonly live near people and are not scared by the odor of humans.
    Conclusion: Rats do not shop at Wal*Mart or use public transportation, because if they did they would be scared by the odor of humans. Unwashed humans, at least.

  4. Text: The rat most commonly found in homes in North Carolina is the Norway rat (Rattus norvegicus).
    Conclusion: We need to build a fence between the USA and Norway, to keep out illegal immigrants.

  5. Text: When food is available, rats will make themselves at home.
    Conclusion: My stepbrothers are rats.

  6. Text: Where large numbers of rats are present in a neighborhood, a community effort is needed to control the rat problem.
    Conclusion: You better make nice with your neighbors, because when the rat apocalypse occurs, you are going to need back-up.


~Trish~ said...

LMAO Love this!

Marie said...

Bureaucracy is a rat in and of itself!

LBluca77 said...

7 litters with 6-12 babies! Good god use a condom.

Dr Zibbs said...

Norway rats. Good one. This reminds me of two rat related posts I should write. Wow. Posts ideas over here and I learned something.

Arjewtino said...

I think you have the right idea with these rats.

And I think the fence idea between us and Norway is a stroke of genius.

saratogajean said...

trish - I was laughing in line at the government office. I was not the craziest person there.

marie - Obviously. Bureaucracy is not afraid of the odor of unwashed humans.

lbluca77 - We need to get these rats in some sex ed classes.

dr zibbs - I hope they aren't anything like your turkey vulture post. I'm still having nightmares.

arjewtino - Good ideas...I've got a million of them. Do you think we can incorporate rats into your movie plot?

surviving myself said...

I read a book about Rats called, well, called Rats (it was really good actually) about 6 months ago. Once, I was reading it on the bus, and this woman started yelling at me, "This boy reading a book about rats! Why you reading about rats???" Over and over again she kept yelling, even though I calmly answered each of her questions.

That is all I really remember about that book.

Dingo said...

3 different lines to talk to 5 different people, eventually leaving with 2 additional forms that need to be filled out

I smell some rat multiplication going on over there.

Brooke said...

I always new Tyra Banks was a rat...now you provided me with proof!

Lump said...

I so need a pet rat now.

I guess I can call all my friends RATS because you know, they're sluts. ;)

saratogajean said...

surviving myself - Jeez, what's that lady's damage? It's not like you were reading a book titled "How to Kill Nosy People on the Subway With Rats" or anything.

dingo - Is that what that smell was?

brooke - I live to serve. BTW, I checked with my neighborhood health food store (Paula's Health Hut) and I am picking up a neti pot on my way home. Score!

lump - I need a pet rat, too. A slutty one.

So@24 said...

Fact: Rats wear cloaks and have names like Jenner and will eventually get their comeuppance with a dagger to the back

Kate said...

Yippee! You're just as messed up in the head as me! Were you reading my blog when I posted about how to save animals for rabies testing?

I love you. Seriously.

Courtney said...

Rats. They are furry. Small. And apparently very strong libido.

Maybe we should change the phrase "humping like bunnies" to rats?

Let's consider it, at least.

rs27 said...

Rats- A great song by Pearl Jam. Look it up.

Ben said...

Your logic is mind-blowing. I love it.

I learned more from this post than all my high school biology classes.

saratogajean said...

so - Fact: Rats named Jenner favor crooked swords.

kate - Thanks! Bloggy-love...

courtney - Consider my phrase list updated.

rs27 - Will do.

ben - Oh man. There is some important stuff you missed...like mitosis. And the Krebs Cycle.

Dolce said...

I have a new level of love for you!

Tyra reminds me of that rat in Charlotte's Web.

Just a Girl said...

I used to have pet rats. But they were both girls (even though I named mine George - what? I liked Nancy Drew) so I never saw any rat on rat lovin. I don't know if I'm disappointed or relieved...

So@24 said...

@ Dolce

She means "Templeton".


saratogajean said...

dolce - Oh, thanks! I didn't see the Tyra/Templeton connection until just now. Good call.

just a girl - I'd be relieved. I mean, who wants to see some dirty rat girl-on-girl action?


so - +5 pts.

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