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Friday, December 12, 2008

Ladies' Night

Things I put in my mouth last night (PG-13 edition):

-74 kabillion wasabi-rice crackers
-2 tentative bites of Harris Teeter ham-type spread
-2 beer bongs (how old am I again?)
-1 bison burger
-generous portion of coarse-ground mustard*
-4 sauteed onion slices*
-macaroni and cheese*
-macaroni and cheese
-8 zillion tater tots
-regular mustard**
-1 1/2 glasses wine
-1 1/2 shots strawberry vodka with Squirt chaser

Shows I watched last night:

-3/4 episode My Name is Earl (during which decided I don't like watching episodes where Earl and Joy are married, because it makes me sad)
-1/2 episode of Kath & Kim (during which I decided I really need to get some cool pajamas)
-1 full episode of The Office (during which I talked to D's mom, explained that she was drunk but that she wanted Horton Hears a Whoo! on DVD for Christmas)

Topics discussed:

-Whether or not Julie's neighbors are retarded
-Who should play Jacob in the next Twilight movie
-Who we would have cast as Rosalie***
-D's rape fantasy non-consensual-while-still-remaining-non-violent sex fantasy
-My penchant for chubby guys
-Whether or not 'bison' is spanish for 'delicious beefy goodness'****

Miscellaneous figures:

-number of nuts I found in Julie's chair from last week when I ate a drumstick while watching Katt Williams' stand up comedy: 1*****
-number of Katt Williams' quotes: 24 (approximate)
-number of beer bongs D took: 3
-number of beer bongs Julie spit on Kristen: 1/2

That is all, folks. It's Friday, and I am lazy.
*denotes items I put on my bison burger
**denotes an item I put on my tater tots
***Scarlett Johanssen
****No, but I had Julie fooled.
*****Bonus: yes, I did eat it.


Kate said...

I'm all about consensual AND violent.

Just saying....

surviving myself said...

Are there really people out there who don't like rough sex?

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one focusing on the fact that you ate the nut? That is hilarious and sort of gross.

P.S. My whole family calls me a chubby chaser. I love them.

Dolce said...

You didn't like Jacob? I thought he was SO cute. Scarlett would have been better. I like Nikki, but she didn't fit what I imagined Rosalie to look like.

Glad I wasn't alone in stuffing my face.

Lump said...

I still haven't seen Twilight. wtf is wrong with me?

a drumstick nut sounds damn good. actually, that's sounds gross. ;)

saratogajean said...

kate - I like the way you think. Is that weird to say?

surviving myself - Yes, but they are the minority.

allconsumingego - What? It was delicious...

dolce - We all agree that he is cute, but that he could never pull off the 6'7, werewolf Jacob. We like Nikki, too, but the blonde hair really does nothing for her. We also apparently like to speak of ourselves using the Royal 'We.'

lump - HAHAHA that does sound gross. But also delicious.

I-66 said...

What in sam hell? Squirt chaser? I thought you said it was PG-13.

Anonymous said...

You're pretty much my hero.

I just downed a bottle of gin. I hate gin. But its all I had

mmmm beer bong.

rs27 said...

The "Things I put in my mouth" section could've have gotten really ugly.

Or awesome.

Depending on your viewpoint.

saratogajean said...

I-66 - My bad. Sometimes I get carried away...

andy - Obviously you were never a boy scout. Otherwise you would be ALWAYS PREPARED. Gin is for delicious martinis only, or gimlets. I don't know what gimlets are, but I do know gin is not for chugging.

rs27 - Or both. Depending on your viewpoint.

So@24 said...

You beer bonged without me? How could you.

"I got shit ta do ta-day"- Katt Williams

Dr Zibbs said...

Mmm bison

Lily said...

Haven't seen the movie yet, but I read the book and I think you're onto something with ScarJo as Rosalie. I like! Something about that little dark haired girl (Nikki Reed) from "thirteen" as a blond vampire just doesn't quite work, IMO.

saratogajean said...

so - It was tough, but you know...a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

"And I'm only calling you bitches because I don't know your names individually."

dr zibbs - I know, right?

lily - You are right. She's beautiful, but I'm not buying her (Nikki) as a blonde.

The Pumpernickel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Pumpernickel said...

You are never too old to beer bong. Though you may get too smart at some point. (Full disclosure: I am not too smart to beer bong. I am just stupid enough to keep doing it.)

Dingo said...

My life pales in comparison next to yours.

Dingo said...

Um, my comment did some weird thing and I'm not sure where it went. Anyway, I made a snarky assed comment about how my life pales in comparison to yours. So, there. See, it wasn't as funny the second time I wrote it.

LBluca77 said...

When her hair caught on fire on the Office last night I almost died. So fucking funny.

Marie said...

I heart the office. Why? Because the stuff that happens on it is not far from what happens in my office.


Anonymous said...

I was a boy scout.

It was just cold out. And there was no beer.

But I believe the more important question is
Ever drink beer outta a boot?

~Trish~ said...

LOL killin me

Crissy said...

I love tater tots in a way that's not even right.

saratogajean said...

the pumpernickel - We are Stupid Sisters! I'll let you know when the next club meeting is.

dingo - Oh Dingo, it was funny the first *and* second times.

Untrue, but still funny.

lbluca77 - Holy shit, me too. But then I had flashbacks to when I burnt my bangs off with my curling iron in 10th grade the morning of our band trip to Florida, and then I felt sad.

But then I did another beer bong and felt happy again.

marie - Can I come with you on "Take a Random Blogger to Work With You Day?" My office sucks balls.

andy - No, but I'm adding it to my list of things to do. At the top *and* the bottom.

~trish~ - Softly? With his song?

crissy - Ain't nothin' wrong with lovin' some tater tots.

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