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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I am the anti-Rockwell

For some reason, I think I am invisible when I'm in the car. I have no problems picking my nose and flicking boogers out of the window, or going for a quick crotch scratch. I don't know why; my windows aren't tinted, and my car sits pretty much as low to the ground as you can get and still clear speed bumps.

Come to think of it, I think I am invisible much of the time. Stain on my shirt? Who's looking close enough to notice? Wacked-out hair? Well, I'm just going to Food Lion, nobody really cares. The flip side of this is that I look at people non-stop. Not that I'm necessarily judging people, but I look at and take note of food stains, signs of poor hygiene, unfortunate clothing choices, etc. Let me reiterate--I am not judging. I'm wondering about the thought process behind strangers' appearances. I can understand that comfort might prompt that lady to wear sweat pants to pick up a gallon of milk, but I'm baffled by the high heels. I want to know the thought process.

I mean, I have an excuse a story for the dirt on my pants. Ernie jumped on me when I was on my way out of the door. I don't know about you, but I don't budget an extra 25 minutes to find a backup outfit in the morning. Once the clothes are ironed, on the body, and have passed the mirror test, I'm committed. I can't go through the whole process of imagining an outfit, combing my dirty clothes hamper closet for the necessary articles, assembling the appropriate undergarments, and ironing twice in one morning, simply because I drooled some toothpaste onto my sweater. Who's going to notice, anyway?

ALSO, LBluca77 is continueing the Pay It Forward Contest, and the last day to enter is TOMORROW. Go check it out and leave a comment to be entered.


Ben said...

Cars are for farting and picking your nose at the end of the day. This is a commonly known fact.

surviving myself said...

I think it's fine that you flick boogers out the window, but really, everyone knows that if you just flick one on the floor it disappears, so you could just do that instead.

Marie said...

I attempt to figure out my outfit the night before most weekdays. But definitely don't think about a backup outfit. If I stained something, ah well, that's the way I'm going to work.

Personally, I'd love to work in my PJs. But that is yet another thing that is frowned upon at work.

Dolce said...

This is aside of the post, but that picture of your cat freaks me out. It looks like it's about to jump out of my screen and attack me. Aren't kitties suppose to be sweet and cuddling?

That one makes your pit-bulls look like pugs.

saratogajean said...

ben - Less commonly known fact: I do these things at the beginning of the day, too. And on my lunch break.

surviving myself - Duly noted. This could really streamline my booger disposal procedure.

marie - Ah, PJ's at work. That must be what Heaven is like. You know, without the work. Just the part where I update my blog and read everyone elses'. In my pj's.

dolce - Hemo is a bitch. She is supposed to be sweet and cuddly, but that isn't quite how it worked out. But I love her anyway.

Kate said...

I've been known to go out in sweat pants and heels. They were the shoes closest to the door that did not require socks.

Lump said...

hahaha I think everyone picks their nose in their car. and if they say they don't, they are LYING. ;)

I will not iron. I refuse to. I'd rather spend the extra 100 bucks a month and have all my work clothes dry cleaned.

So@24 said...

Your posts are like a Seinfeld episode. About absolutely nothing, but SO entertaining.

lily said...

this is hilarious, and so true. and don't tell anyone, but I'm so w/ ben on this.

LBluca77 said...

Wait you iron your clothes? I only do that for special occasions and by special occasion I mean any occasion other than work.

~Trish~ said...

I do that too, if something happens as I'm out the door...screw it! Check out my latest post of puppy pics!!

... said...

second the seinfeld episode comment.

also, 4 out 5 days my work outfit comes from the firty clothes hamper.

Arjewtino said...

Shit. People are watching me?

c.watson said...

I don't actually own an iron. And back up outfit? I've never even thought of that before today.

Alexa said...

ditto to all that you said. i look like death on a normal basis when i go to my corner grocery store. no bra, glasses, even slippers - i've been known to hide behind aisles to avoid people i know.

Kate said...

I so envy you. I am constantly checking people out and the narcissistic part of me thinks they give a shit what my hair looks like, too.

Dingo said...

Unlike you, when I look at people I am judging. I always have an excuse for my shoddy appearance (aka: laziness) but others? Not so much. I insist that the world live up to my impossible standards. Who do you think coined the phrase, "Do as I say, not as I do?" Yep, that was me. I also invented the internet.

saratogajean said...

kate - My shoes choices are dictated by which can most easily accomodate my socks.

I love socks.

lump - I heart picking my nose in the car. For reals.

so - Hey--nose picking is a serious subject.

lily - Too late. I already told my mom.

Sorry. She doesn't judge, though.

lbluca77 - I'm the other way around. I iron only for work.

~trish~ - Fucking dogs. They are ruining my life. Wait, that's me. I don't need any help.

... - I long for the days when I went to Catholic school. No question about what I was going to wear that day. Jumper? Sailor shirt? Done and done.

arjewtino - Well, I am. And it looks like Dingo it, too. But I don't judge.

c.watson - I've never actually seen one, but I've heard of their existence.

alexa - Smart. I just shop where no respectable person would shop. Problem solved. PLUS I am the best looking/dressed person there. Bonus.

kate - If I thought people were looking at me, I'd have horrible self-esteem issues.

dingo - Thanks for the internet.

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