I did not put my trash bin on the curb. Wikipedia says it's a female Writing Spider and is not harmful to humans. While she may not be physically harmful, she is not much of a writer. She hasn't been spinning any cool messages for me into her web ("What's up, Ninja!?" or "The neighbor kids stole your Netflix again"), nor is she putting a noticeable dent in the mosquito population. This causes me me mental anguish, aka harm. Too bad Wikipedia has blocked my work IP address from editing entries.
As I was dealing with the disappointment that I was not starring in my own version of "Charlotte's Web," I noticed some kittens playing in the hedge by the trash bin. So I brought out some Hemo food for them.They ate, and I felt good. But then I felt bad, because they wouldn't let me pet them. I got to thinking that maybe Hemo could give those alley kittens some motherly advice, like how important it is to clean your vagina