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Friday, January 23, 2009

I threaten my dogs with knives

I went home yesterday on my lunch break to put some scalloped potatoes in the crock pot so they'd be ready for dinner. The dogs were thrilled; I'm pretty sure they usually spend the day licking each others' genitals.

Thanks for sharing my shame, mother.

Anytime, baby Ernie.

Even though Dexter has a bum knee and sometimes refuses to get off of the couch for a morning potty break, that little bastard is an escape artist. In his younger days he'd climb over 6 foot fences. So when the dogs are in the backyard, I keep a close eye on them. Every so often I stuck my head out of the back door.

"Is everyone still behaving?"

It wasn't until about the 3rd or 4th time that I realized I still had my huge potato-slicing knife in hand, giving my neighbors yet another reason to doubt my sanity.


Marie said...

It's ok. At least this way they know not to mess with you. Your neighbors I mean. :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. That's great! And I love the neighbour peering over the fence. Nosey bitch.

Dingo said...

Is that a threat to castrate them if they are not behaving? Da-yum! You are intense!

ria said...

that made me crack up at my desk, i can see myself doing that same thing! since we moved we don't have a fenced in yard and haven't gotten the collars for the invisible fence so i'm always standing out there yelling "get back over here" and shaking my fist (not that i would ever actually hit scooby)

Lump said...

you totally lost me at scalloped potatoes. damn, I'm so hungry.

saratogajean said...

marie - Oh they know. If the knife didn't do it for them, my holey robe and Steve's peeing in the backyard are sure to do the trick.

dr zibbs - Yeah, screw her.

dingo - Who has extra money laying around for luxuries like 'anesthesia' and 'post-op care?' I do my neutering at home.

ria - Oh man, you reminded me that I also threaten to punch the dogs in the face. I'm joking, of course. I'd most likely break a knuckle. But the neighbors don't know.

lump - Crave not; they didn't turn out so good. :(

rs27 said...

Wait you slicede off your dogs genitals with a potato slicing knife while they were being licked. I think I got confused

Summer said...

That's hilarious. I love emphatically gesturing with kitchen utensils too. I may take my show outside to freak out the neighbors.

BTW I just found your blog, and have been entertained for the last 20 minutes in reading past posts. I hate birds too. I'm glad someone's finally talking about it! They're disgusting!

saratogajean said...

rs27 - Pets are a big responsibility.

summer - Yeah, fuck birds. And thanks for reading!

allconsumingego said...

Oh NOOOOW it'll let me comment. Yesterday, no such luck. I'm giving blogspot the stink-eye.

*~Dani~* said...

You know, I bet your neighbors were more scared than your dogs. Your dogs are probably thinking "oh THAT idle threat again? Knife? No biggie."

Maxie said...

hahahaha my dog would freak out. I look at him in a strange way and he RUNS. He's so strange.

stoogepie said...

Can you do a post in which you list, say, the top ten reasons your neighbors doubt your sanity?

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