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Friday, January 23, 2009

I threaten my dogs with knives

I went home yesterday on my lunch break to put some scalloped potatoes in the crock pot so they'd be ready for dinner. The dogs were thrilled; I'm pretty sure they usually spend the day licking each others' genitals.

Thanks for sharing my shame, mother.


Anytime, baby Ernie.

Even though Dexter has a bum knee and sometimes refuses to get off of the couch for a morning potty break, that little bastard is an escape artist. In his younger days he'd climb over 6 foot fences. So when the dogs are in the backyard, I keep a close eye on them. Every so often I stuck my head out of the back door.

"Is everyone still behaving?"

It wasn't until about the 3rd or 4th time that I realized I still had my huge potato-slicing knife in hand, giving my neighbors yet another reason to doubt my sanity.

13 comments:

Marie said...

It's ok. At least this way they know not to mess with you. Your neighbors I mean. :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. That's great! And I love the neighbour peering over the fence. Nosey bitch.

Dingo said...

Is that a threat to castrate them if they are not behaving? Da-yum! You are intense!

ria said...

that made me crack up at my desk, i can see myself doing that same thing! since we moved we don't have a fenced in yard and haven't gotten the collars for the invisible fence so i'm always standing out there yelling "get back over here" and shaking my fist (not that i would ever actually hit scooby)

Lump said...

you totally lost me at scalloped potatoes. damn, I'm so hungry.

saratogajean said...

marie - Oh they know. If the knife didn't do it for them, my holey robe and Steve's peeing in the backyard are sure to do the trick.

dr zibbs - Yeah, screw her.

dingo - Who has extra money laying around for luxuries like 'anesthesia' and 'post-op care?' I do my neutering at home.

ria - Oh man, you reminded me that I also threaten to punch the dogs in the face. I'm joking, of course. I'd most likely break a knuckle. But the neighbors don't know.

lump - Crave not; they didn't turn out so good. :(

rs27 said...

Wait you slicede off your dogs genitals with a potato slicing knife while they were being licked. I think I got confused

Summer said...

That's hilarious. I love emphatically gesturing with kitchen utensils too. I may take my show outside to freak out the neighbors.

BTW I just found your blog, and have been entertained for the last 20 minutes in reading past posts. I hate birds too. I'm glad someone's finally talking about it! They're disgusting!

saratogajean said...

rs27 - Pets are a big responsibility.

summer - Yeah, fuck birds. And thanks for reading!

allconsumingego said...

Oh NOOOOW it'll let me comment. Yesterday, no such luck. I'm giving blogspot the stink-eye.

*~Dani~* said...

You know, I bet your neighbors were more scared than your dogs. Your dogs are probably thinking "oh THAT idle threat again? Knife? No biggie."

Maxie said...

hahahaha my dog would freak out. I look at him in a strange way and he RUNS. He's so strange.

stoogepie said...

Can you do a post in which you list, say, the top ten reasons your neighbors doubt your sanity?

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