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Thursday, January 22, 2009

TMI Thursday (and an apology)

Not to worry; I've already slapped myself across the face repeatedly for being an asshole blogger. Work has been crazy, what with the short week (made even shorter by a SNOW DAY on Tuesday and a 2 hour delay on Wednesday--I love working for the county!). I spent the weekend making delicious and not-too-horrible looking red velvet cakes and picking dog hair out of marshmallow fondant (it was more fun that it sounds). Also, I played around on Steve's drums a little bit.

He broke the news that I couldn't be the singer in his fake band because he's heard me at karaoke and he doesn't think I'm good enough. Bastard.

Moving on. It is once again time for TMI Thursday, and although I've talked about pubic hair, rats, and not getting hit on while smelling of baby pee, I have yet to talk about what I think about while sitting on the toilet. Allow me to enlighten you.

Last night I was sitting on the toilet, smack dab in the middle of a satisfying post-work #1, and staring at the empty roll of toilet paper.


Some, when faced with this dilemma, would rail against a spouse or a roommate. As I live alone, I know that I am solely responsible for the predicament I find myself in. I considered my options.

Option 1: Attempt to 'shake' or 'drip' dry. This seems to work well for guys, but I have never found much success with this method.

Option 2: Waddle, pants bunched around my ankles, to the hall closet to retrieve another roll. This would seem the likeliest course of action, were it not for the cold temperature of the house, the possibility of dripping urine on my pants, and the probability of a cold/wet dog nose making contact with my bare bum.

Option 3: Use a washcloth. Convenient, and, in my desperate reasoning, environmentally friendly. I equate it to the use of cloth diapers.

Ultimately, I went with Option 3. I figured that, with judicious use, I could get 4 to 8 uses (not including number two, obviously--I'm not an animal) out of a single washcloth, folded into quarters, before said washcloth would need to be laundered. This would save both toilet paper and water, as I do subscribe to the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" school of thought. I can't really let more than 2 yellows mellow, if you know what I mean, without running the risk of clogging my finicky toilet.

I'm not quite ready to make the permanent switch; I still have some wrinkles to iron out, including:

  • coming up with a system for keeping track of which quarters of the cloth have been used
  • making the distinction between bathing and wiping washcloths
  • tactfully warning guests away from washcloths currently 'in use;' and last but not least
  • keeping Ernie from consuming 'in use' washcloths

I'll keep you posted on my progress.


Marie said...

Let me know how that works out for you. Just an FYI there may be an odd wafting smell after continued use of the washcloth before throwing it in the laundry.

Panties on the drum are awesome.

Penny said...

This was freaking hilarious!

My boyfriend has suggested I use the washcloth method,since I go through toiletpaper like a hot knife through butter,seeing as I seem to have somewhat of an overactive bladder (ok,ok,my bladder is the size of a pea - pun intended!haha!)

Ok,now I've finished laughing at my own joke,I do actually also follow the mentality of "if it's yellow let it mellow" purely because water-wise it's a good thing to do.

You go ahead with your bad self.You could always wash your cloth in the sink with a nice disinfectant soap between toilet visits.That way the cloth is always clean.

Do keep us up to date with how you're going to approach this.

Dr Zibbs said...

When are you going to grace us with your singing? Why don't you do it on my Snapvine recorder on the sidebar of my blog. If you take request, I'd like to hear Slow Ride by Foghat or Rainy Days and Mondays by the Carpenters.

LiLu said...

I'm a fan of Option 3 as well. Plus, then it makes me do laundry. Option 4 is to attempt to use the empty paper towel roll itself... frustratingly unsatisfying, but somewhat helpful.

Dingo said...

So, are you saying that when I come to visit I should accept the towels for my shower but refuse the washcloths? On second thought, I'll just bring my own towels and washcloths.

And I'm not going to fess up at having done this myself. No way.

saratogajean said...

marie - I'm thinking a single washcloth would last no more than 2 or 3 days, minimizing the time said washcloth would have to develop a noticeable odor. Again, this is purely hypothetical at this point.

penny - I like the way your boyfriend thinks. Question: Do you think the rinsing or washing of the washcloth after each use would nullify the environment-friendly aspect of using the washcloth vs. t.p.?

Man, I am devoting way too much thought to this.

dr. zibbs - How about 'Since U Been Gone' by Kelly Clarkson? It's a crowd favorite.

lilu - Option 4: been there, done that. Better than nothing, right?

dingo - Better bring your own toothbrush, too. I'm not sharing.

Lump said...

One question: Why don't you have toilet paper within arm's reach? ;)

Anonymous said...

a) I just keep TP under my sink.

b) <3 Shake method.

c) You rock that washcloth. Rock it.

Daisee579 said...

I'm not sure if I should be excited you've showed me a new way of doing my part to save the environment or completely grossed out. Hmmm.

saratogajean said...

lump - I do! Usually. But my under-sink storage is limited to 3 rolls, and occasionally I forget to restock. And I pay the price. Boy, do I pay the price.

andy - a) See above.
b) Stop bragging about having a weiner.
c) Consider it rocked.

daisee - Excited. Duh.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Please don't tell my husband about the washcloth. We already have enough tension in my house over use of 3 squares at a time!

Dolce said...

I have used all three options. This is sick, but once I used a used tissue out of the trash can next to me.

My roommate in college would always leave me toilet paper-less. One time I got so pissed off I used her towel to wipe. (#1).

I can't believe I just admitted that.

So@24 said...

You can't even spare one square??

surviving myself said...

If you let it mellow for too long it stains the toilet, so you make a wise choice only letting it sit for two.

Liebchen said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who's used the actual empty roll itself in a pinch.

The washcloth option is much gentler, though.

Kate said...

I'm all about the washcloths, but I'm horrible. I'll put them in the wash right away. I can't stand that I did it, so I want to hide the evidence.

Kate said...

Oh, and my cat drinks out of the toilet. I wouldn't want him drinking any mellow yellow.

saratogajean said...

nilsa - It's not so bad, actually. As long as you don't accidentally drop the washcloth in the toilet.

dolce - Man, that is some sweet, sweet, revenge. I love it!

so - Not even for myself.

surviving myself - That's going on the "1001 things you should know before you hit 30" list. Somewhere around 846, I think.

liebchen - You're tellin' me!

kate - It would serve Hemo right to have to drink my pee.

rs27 said...

I think Option 10 is to just open the door and have the dog take care of it.

Not foolproof but cleans well.

I've heard.

c.watson said...

I live alone as well and it's so annoying not to be able to yell down the hall that you are out of toilet paper. But I don't know if I could do the wash clothe. But since its right by the shower last time I ran out of toilet paper I just showered off (maybe a bit excessive and really doesn't help on the conserving water end.).

Kylie said...

F*ing hilarious!! I find a roll that has been unrolled onto the floor quite frequently. Damn kittens!!

BrazenBareToe said...

You should train Ernie to retreive the toilet paper out of the hall closet and bring it to the bathroom.

Tip: Start training slow, like getting another beer out of the fridge.

That would be amazing.

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